Tonight, a friend of mine that I haven’t seen in a few years was online, so I decided to send him a quick IM. After quite a bit of IM-ing, I gave him my number so he could text me and we could carry on the conversation in between breaks while I practiced. As I was starting to practice a newly assigned piece called, “Chanson Perpetuelle” by Ernest Chausson, he asked me a question that revealed an answer I had been looking for for the past few years and I now feel as if my life has literally changed.
Here’s our dialogue:
Friend: Will u educate me in classical music? lol
Me: Haha, yeah! What do you want to know??
Friend: Whatever u think is relevant. I’m always looking to expand my taste in music
Me: Look up “Chanson Perpetuelle” by Chausson sung by Anne Sofie von Otter :)
Friend: Okie doke will do :) So why classical/opera above all others?
Me: You’ll see why when you listen to the song, there’s a certain kind of beauty that classical music and opera possess that other genres can’t even touch. I can’t explain the feeling I get when I listen to and sing it. I just get lost in the music and it’s like the whole world stops for a minute and the only thing going on is the music and what sounds God allows me to hear/produce. I honestly think music is what I’m destined to marry lol
I can’t even count how many times I’ve answered that question wrongly to myself. I’ve told myself that I do this because it’s what God created me to do it for, because I love it, because it’s fun, because it’s my destiny, and because there’s nothing else I can do. While all of those are very true, those answers are wrong. I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. I do this because God allows me to. He gives me a way to escape the brutal world of depression that I live in and just live in a moment where time stands still; where I can be enveloped by the absolute sacred beauty of God’s magnificent creation. Music. I can come to this part of the universe and just leave all of my cares and worries at the door and just be. Music is my Heaven. My beautiful escape from the world. Everything I’ve prayed for is inside my Heaven. Love, beauty, happiness… yes. I’ve found it :)